Cool for cats and city snaps

Cold, hungry but uncomplaining Little Burgundy strays, including a couple of kittens, living in a shipping bay off Des Seigneurs and St. James.

Threatened Griffintown buildings on St. Thomas in the morning.

Director Yung Chang (Up the Yangtze), who lives in Montreal, made a snap appearance at his acclaimed documentary last weekend at the AMC. He was selling cool merchandise to help pay for the education of Cindy Yu Shui, one of the subjects in his film.

Natural snow formation at a windy spot near the Anatolia Turkish grocery store at Cremazie and the Main. They have incredible sujuk beef sausage.

This phone pole suddenly snapped today on Murray Street in the Griff.

The former Academie Bourget, a French grammar school, on Mountain.

Inside the lookout chalet.

Chill while you smoke at Novotel's ice bar. Made by Laurent Godon's Mont Tremblant-based ice-scupture company.

The changing face of Griffintown. Multi-storey Universite du Quebec engineering residence will have a Metro grocery store. That makes neighbours happy. But will the neighbours be displaced, their stately homes demolished, to make way for Mayor Putin's ramrod development scheme?

Double jaywalking is a skill best learned young. Drummond and St. Catherine.

The exclusive Fulford seniors' home on Guy.

Frozen leak near the Bell Centre.

Ditched bikes welded together by rust.

Disused shack near Joe's parking at Mountain and Torrance.

Dog walker on Common Street.

College Francais on Fairmount West at the Esplanade used to be the B'Nai Jacob Synagogue. That explains the roof.

This Swiss-trained outdoor-clock repairman keeps odd hours in his tiny headquarters next to the St. Jean French Protestant church on St. Catherine East.

Irate Serbs and their Greek supporters denounce Kosovo's unilateral declaration of indepencence last Sunday beneath King Edward's benevolant gaze.

All that's left of 1245-1251 Amherst, north of Dorchester, after a recent fire.

Lower Amherst.

This elevated bit of the Bonaventure Expressway is slated for demolition. Taxpayers living in glass-and-steel boxes will replace it.

Backstreet Boys help move unwanted stock

Here's a story that might get you thinking different about celebrity marketing.

The Roots at Peel and St. Catherine has a habit of giving away much free swag to celebrities passing through. The Backstreet Boys came down from the Holiday Inn to the store on one of their visits to Montreal (Jan 3, '97, Nov. 10, '99, Sept. 17, '01, maybe another too). Roots handed over a bunch of super ugly orange T-shirts that just were not selling. They weren't selling because they were hideous. The manager gave the shirts to the lads to wear during the concert.

The day after the concert, all of the shirts sold out.

Watch your toes!

In 1937 Gerard Gagne was moving a stove. It fell on his foot so medics amputated three of his toes.

Mo' ole buildingz

Stanley and St. Catherine 1928, the Lindsay House along with several other buildings was slated to be demolished for a $5 million, 5000 seat Famous Players theatre with a 500 seat waiting room.
8552 St. Denis, corner Liege, 1935. Photo taken after Theodora Forget was killed in a hit and run. 1410 Plessis 1935. 41 Youville Square 1929, photo shows baby that died in fire. 704 Inspector Street 1928

Quize. How did this scene change one of the storied traditions of Montreal?

Hint: this event that started this nasty business began in Cote St Paul - whoever said nothing happens in Cote St. Paul ? - not far from the south side of the canal, in a bar that later became - I believe - the Adult-E strip club before it was burnt down in that bar blaze plague of southwest Mtl of 2001-ish. The guy on the right is lawyer Sidney Leithman, who's getting a close up view of victim salami. Leithman, of course, was a totally high profile defense lawyer, right up there with Frank Shoofey. And like Shoofey, he was assasinated by a baddie who was never apprehended. Leithman was done in while sitting in his Saab at a red light on his way to work one morning. A bag of cocaine was found in his car. Some suspect that the hitman might've tossed it in to make him look suspicious. But that's neither here nor there (what the hell does that mean anyway ? - Chimples).

Answer: 3 Nov 1975 2 am, the owner of Le Barina at 2015 Church (it's now housing) in Cote St Paul called the cops asking for protection because Normand Dubois (of the notorious Dubois clan) was allegedly threatening him. Cops showed up and the drunken Dubois allegedly made a death threat against one of them. Cops feared a shootout in the crowded bar so they allowed Dubois and his friend Paul Morgan to leave, but they followed the car closely and pulled the vehicle over about a block away. The cops wailed away at the suspects and charged them with assault against an officer and for resisting arrest. Dubois claimed the cops for brutality. A few hours after the first incident, the same bar owner called anew as a big brawl had erupted inside.

The same beatings ensued. The Dubois brothers denounced the police brutality again. Rolland Dubois showed his butt to the cameras.

On November 8 France Landry, 20, a stripper/waitress at Antonio Bartuccio's Robert Bar Salon complained that the cops ordered her to sign a paper blaming problems on the Dubois brothers, even burning a cigarette on her breast and threatening to put her boyfriend in prison if she complained of her treatment.

Most media was unsympathetic to the complaints. In fact most ignored the pressers altogether.

However the legendary Night Patrol - the dozen-or-so cops who patrolled in the city's darkness for years and included Cinq-Mars and Bob Menard - was disbanded soon after.

Old buildings of the day

This is the Theatre Nationale in 1909, just after it was built at the corner of St. Catherine and Beaudry.
This was the MacVicar Memorial Church at St. Viateur and Durocher, burnt down March 6, 1948, the pastor was named Ritchie Bell.
This is a view of St. Hubert at Cremazie, March 1948.


This is the Cremazie Workers Club at 1412 De Bullion, around St. Catherine, photo taken in 1938. It was listed as the Maxim Gorky Club in the phone book that year but disappeared from the listings after that, so presumably it was demolished around then.Berri and Craig (now known as St. Antoine) 1934, photo re-enacts a hit and run that killed one woman.

What's with that skinny building?

This unusual structure was completed in 1910 for the jeweler, J.C. Noury, who built a booming trade in eyeglasses and eye treatments from this location at 30 St. Catherine East, south side, just a stone's throw east of the Main. It was constructed on a shallow lot, because land was expensive and scarce in the area; that explains why the building's narrower than a billboard.
One of the very few buildings on the block to survive Montreal's demolition derby, this four-storey joint opened with just one office per floor.
These days, it houses an ice-cream shop on the ground floor. On summer nights, the sidewalk in front of the building is writhing with motorcyclists proud of the fat-ass chrome they have parked in hard-to-get parking spaces.

Smilax and featberry grass: Drinking the health of Montreal's transport kings

If Richard Branson is a contemporary airline king, then Montrealer Sir Hugh Allan was all of that and more for his day. Here's an account of a party held at the Windsor Hotel (northwest corner of Peel and Dorchester) in May, 1881, to honour Sir Hugh, chieftain of the Allan Line, and his brother, Andrew, as well as the latest addition to their fleet, the S.S. Parisian.

By the way, if you've ever wondered just who that statue of John Young commemorates down on Common Street, this story has a tip of the hat to him, the man who engineered the dredging that made it possible for deep-water vessels to reach the Port of Montreal. Without his work, Montreal would not have been as well disposed to compete with the port of New York and your great-grandparents might have been compelled to stay on the farm.

Another log on the fire?


The Allan Banquet
Canadian Illustrated News
Saturday, May 21, 1881

Between four and five hundred persons assembled at the Windsor last Thursday to do honour to Sir Hugh and Mr. Andrew Allan. The principal features of the banquet have been already fully set out in the daily papers, and there is little to do but add our testimony to the success of the evening. The dinner was sumptuous and usually well served, and a feature of the tables was the floral display, which comprised 20,000 cut flowers and a variety of valuable specimen plants. Suspended from the central chandelier was a miniature model of the Parisian. The hull, resting upon a bed of choice exotics, was composed of white and carmine pinks, while festoons of smilax rempresented the sails. The funnels were composed of immortels of red, white and blue, the colours of the Allan Line, and the smoke issuing from the funnels was naturally enough represented by a dark featbery grass. The Canadian ensign surmounted the foremast, and the Union Jack fluttered at the mainmast. The Mayor presided at the centre table, and in company with the guests of the evening was conducted to his place after the company had been seated by the pipers of the 5th Fusiliers, who on several occasions during the course of the banquet did honour to the country of Sir Hugh's birth.
After the toasts of the Queen, the Royal Family, the Governor-General, and the President of the United States had been duly given, the latter being responded to by Consul-General Smith, the Army, Navy and Militia called forth Col. Dyde and Lieut.-Col. Stevenson, and last, but not least, Lieut.-Col. Ouimet, who, in response to an enthusiastic call, delivered in French what was probably the most eloquent speech of the evening.
These disposed of, the Chairman gave the toast of the evening, remarking that, in 1826, he had been present when Sir Hugh, then a lad, landed in this country. Mr. Felix Sourier had pointed him out with the prophetic words, "There goes a lad, who will be a man some day." Sir Hugh, on rising to respond, was enthusiastically greeted. He expressed his and his brother's gratification at the compliment paid him by the warmth of their reception, and declared that the respect and approbation of his fellow-citizens was more to them than all the honours recently bestowed on him in other places. They claimed no special merit for their share in the development of the resources of the country, since their efforts had been of course primarily devoted to the advancement of their own business, but the fact of having been instrumental in benefitting their own city and country was most gratifying. The Parisian was alluded to as a necessity in face of the improvements in the New York trade, and Sir Hugh expressed his belief that other and finer vessels would have yet to be built. Referring to the deepening of the channel, which alone made it possible to navigate such a vessel as the Parisian, he made a graceful allusion to the services of the late John Young in this matter, and expressed his hope that the shcme for erecting a monument to his memory would be carried out. Mr. Andrew Allan also responded to much the same effect.
The Chairman then proposed "the Senate and the House of Commons," which was responded to by Hon. Messrs. Ryan and Huntington, and Messrs. Coursol, M.P. Ryan and Thos. White. "Our Railway and Shipping Interests" brought an intreesting speech from Mr. L.J. Sergeant of the Grand Trunk ; Mr. thos. Cramp and Mr. P.S. Stevenson also responded. Mr. F.W. Henshaw presented some interesting statistics in reply to "Our Manufacturing and Commercial Interests," and Mr. Andrew Robertson pointed out that the Allan Line had increased the tonnage of Montreal port four-fold in a quarter of a century. "The Press" was responded to by Messrs. James Steward and Richard White, and "The Ladies" by Mr. R.D. McGibbon. Music was furnished during the evening by the Victoria Rifles' Band.
We must not forget to acknowledge our indebtedness to Messrs. Notman & Sandham for their assistance in photographing the large dining-room of the Windsor for the use of our special artist in his drawing of the banquet.

Bar Salon Robert in St. Henri

In May 1969 Marcel Martel demanded $100 a week plus 12 percent of earnings from the owner of the Robert Bar at 5090 Notre Dame W. The owner declined the shakedown. Soon after Tony Bartuccio, said to be a good friend of local strongman Jean-Paul Dubois, offered to buy the establishment for $60,000, far less than what it was worth. No deal. On 29 May 1969 Martel wrecked up the place. The owner looked on helplessly as bottles were smashed, chairs broken and clients ran out. The bandits drove the owner and a female employee out to a field. They awaited their execution but instead the bandits drove off and left them in the deserted place. Martel went to court for the misdeed but the bar kept losing business. Eventually the stress led the owner to sell the place to Raymond Dubois for a mere $25,000. Dubois promptly sold the club to Bartuccio and then sued the former owner for $21,000. Martel was found dead with a bullet in his head in his car parked on Lakeshore Boulevard 22 May 1975. (Source: Richard Desmarais Le clan des Dubois 1976).

/Q/whodat?/

Who are these localss? They're still alive. They're married. To each other. Why are there statues of these people?

Answer: It's developer Rene Lepine and his wife, described as Mrs. Rene Lepine. These exist because they paid an artist to make them. The artist is named Paul Lancz, whose website looks very favourably on his own statue Tenderness, at Peel and Sherbrooke. Lancz died a couple of years ago but would often be found doing paintings in Alexis Nihon. Lepine is a big name and is occasionally linked to controversy, such as when he purchased a big piece of federal land on Atwater above Sherbrooke for $4 million, a piece of land that was probably worth about four times that price. We're not sure where he keeps these busts. Perhaps on a bookshelf in his living room or something.

Dashed projects - 1968

Two downtown projects that never happened. The Eaton-Mace project was a $125,000,0000 building slated for the area bounded by St. Catherine and Sherbrooke between University & Mansfield. It was guided by Brigadier-General Gordon Dorward de Salaberry Wotherspoon. The Montreal Trust mortgage group took it over after Mace ran out of cash.
The Place de la Concorde was a $250,000,000 project to be plopped between Milton and Pine, Ste. Famile and Hutchison, roughly the area of what they tried to do a couple of years later with the La Cite project which would have levelled much of the McGill ghetto had it not it not been largely blocked by protests.

Get lost!

The ice maze was a central attraction back in the days of that Most British of institutions -- the Montreal Winter Carnival. Here's a bird's-eye-view of the thing from the Carnival supplment that the Montreal Star printed up in 1887. And here's the accompanying text:

THE MAZE

One of the most unique attractions of the Carnival is the maze; which, as its name denotes, is designed to bewilder those unwary enough to run the risk of being lost by wandering without guide or direction in the intricate labyrinth of passages. The maze is a reduced copy of the celebrated maze at Hampton Court, the English Royal Park. There is this difference, however, the English maze is defined by a network of hedges; the Canadian one is a combination of walls of transparent ice built up in such a manner as to present an imposing architectural appearance. In external appearance it resembles a medieval tower protected by a circular outwork reinforced by four bastions. The diameter of the outer wall is seventy-two feet and the height of the central tower forty. Entering the portals of the structure the visitor finds that the aarea within the walls is divided into a series of circular walks by low walls of ice. He is told that the problem of the hour is to treach the central, tower and the task looks so easy that he forthwith sets about getting there. The undertaking, however, is easier attempted than accomplished, and after passing from one cool passage into anothe rand finding himself no nearer the central tower than when he started, he feels inclined to give up and would do so, probably, were it not that he is goaded on by the questionable consolation begotten of the knowledge that he is not the only victim to this embarrassing place. Eventually witht he assistance and advice of more knowing persons he reaches the central tower to learn with some incredulity that he has only traversed 600 feet of passages during the whole time he has been rushing about among those ice walls. Having regaled himself at the buffet in the central tower, he enters upon the exploit of getting out of this icy labyrinth and considers himself lucky when he once more finds himself out in the street. (Picture by A.W. Roper; 1908.)

Around town....

The Gemst at Sherb and Prudhomme is getting renovated...if you consider demolition and replacement by condos to be a form of renovation. The Verdun metro in the summertime. Here stood the downtown neighbourhood known as Overdale before it was senselessly demolished by the Dore-Gardiner administration. Support the Main's endangered and threatened red light tradition, stop in for a beer under this amazing sign. Across from the Vendome metro they're selling Condom niums. Some sort of industrial implement built into a wall on Ann in Griffintown. Up to recently this movie prop rental shop on Notre Dame East used to have outlandish props outside. George Durst, the owner of House of Jazz (formerly known as Biddles) and founder of the Cage au Sports, has an office here. On the wall is a photo of him walk around Montreal with an ocelot perched on his shoulder in the 60s. He's aged and mellow nowadays. Awesome wall on Notre Dame, north side, just west of Pie IX. St. Henri, north side of the canal just west of St. Remi. St. Remi and Notre Dame, the former Manchester Hotel. New projects nearby. The old wax museum in CdN, now a Pharmaprix. Old age home going up at a treasured corner of NDG. The legendary Hariki bar in a strip mall in Lasalle where many action men are said to be found. Joe Odman bailiff-slash-kick boxer recently moved his office from this spot to a block west on Jean Talon. His secretary is a bit nutty. Just try resisting walking by this candy palace in the Eaton Center. The boarded up building at Cadillac and Notre Dame served as a variety of restaurants from about 1930 onwards, most notably the Sea Way restaurant. There was another building as well before the corner until 1970 or so. Brilliant artwork near St. Antoine and Walker. This place on Notre Dame in St. Henry is awesome if you want cheap-o day- old bread and other imperfect baked goods. These guys on Notre Dame had better move fast, their condos are supposed to be up and ready within a few weeks. $4 an hour for internet access... way steep!

Ghosts of Gamelin

Denis Lazure has died at 82. In his dotage the former PQ cabmin psychiatrist campaigned against the upcoming creation of a new English hospital here. He thought the government should fund only a French one.

But Lazure knew a lot about another hospital. Coolopolis suspects Lazure might have taken some hefty secrets into the afterlife about the Duplessis Orphans at the St. Jean de Dieu. You'll recall how mentally healthy children who committed the sin of having no parents were put into mental hospitals here as a provincial money-making scam. A young Lazure saw this in action at the Louis H. Lafontaine Hospital (then known as St. Jean de Dieu) in the east end. The hospital had the ideal cover - it constituted a separate muncipality called Gamelin, which had no full time residents, but technically did its own policing. Occasionally a doctor would express shock at what he saw in the hospital, which included a description of a five-year-old boy chained to a radiator. Others included the routine induction of diabetic comas which often resulted in death and the freeflowing use of Heinz Lehmann's newly-developed largytil, known as the chemical straitjacket. Lazure was among those who encouraged Gamelin to do the obvious and join the city of Montreal. Much of what happened behind those spooky doors will never be known.
As you can see in the two overhead shots, much of the hospital has been demolished.

Famous Montreal homers

Delormier Downs at Delormier and Ontario was where a whole lot of Montreal Royal sluggers swatted their dingers. An article from 1958 celebrates the 30 years of home hammering at the stadium, which included famous swats by 1-Dale Alexander 2-Steve Bilko 3- Duke Snyder 4-Tom Winsett/Snider 5-Bob Morgan 6-Charley Keller 7-Chick Shiver 8-Lou Gehrig hit the water tower at the top right twice. 9 -Fresco Thomson 10-Jim Coranda, click on the picture to see a stadium which didn't seem to have any trouble selling ads.

Farewell the Tenderloin

This is all that's left of the building that housed an early Montreal wankhaus, where you could pay to use a video booth or have a more hands on experience (text-only details here). The whole corner is getting Giulianied for the upcoming glass box that will stand guard over the Spectacular Quarter. Passers-by will miss the dancing shadow.

The Italian scare

"Typical Montreal Italians loafing... ." With cutlines and headlines like this, the Montreal Standard of March 7, 1908 was indeed setting the standard of suspicion against just about all newcomers from Italy. In fact, the whole community was being tarred with the same brush after coming under increasing suspicion because of a couple of incidents of Italian-on-Italian violence -- most recently a shooting death in St. David's lane. Police were even stopping Italians all over town and frisking them for weapons (story).

Videoself - not winnin' em all

According to the Videoself website, there are 31 of these automated one dollar video stores on the island and this is one of them. The franchises hit town about three years back and you could get one for about $100,000, much of which was the cost of the Italian built machine. Some of these and other similar operations have been seen going belly-up, including this on Sherbrooke just east of Decarie & on Wellington in Verdun next to the police station. Chimples suggests the name may as well be Wankers'R'Us. This one went broke because people were terrified of the dog in the window and has nothing to do with pirated tapes.

Viggo was robbed!

Viggo flashed a Habs bracelet on the red carpet, told Mulroney Jr. "GO HABS GO!" We were ready for the same at the podium.

They brought Peace and love to Montreal

Peace and love came to Montreal not in the 60s, but rather, in the 1930s and it sprouted from downtown 2570 Coursol in Little Burgundy with the cult of Father Divine, a New York preacher who figured he was God. The local following was led by Rudolph Clark and James Scott. They even called their tailor shop Peace and used it as a form of greeting according to this article.

Father Divine was routinely denounced by his competitor Marcus Garvey, the best known black rights preacher in the 1930s, who briefly used Montreal as a base in 1928, urging the 4 million black voters to vote against Woodrow Wilson. Garvey's Montreal campaign led the local US consul to persuade Canadian authorities to deport him, a position the Gazette supported in a googleable editorial. Garvey's followers included the parents of Malcolm X, who would have been a born Montrealer had his parents stuck around for a couple more years.

But Father Divine was more fun. He drove a Caddy and hosted large style parties and his beliefs weren't exactly set in stone. He believed in abstinence but also got busted repeatedly for his big bashes in New York City full of people and he'd show off his opulence by springing his followers from jail with big bills.

Whatever happened to bouncing?

And you thought mosh pits were rowdy! Bouncing, according to Snoweshoe Club member George Beers, was part of "the rough-and-tumble play which men in blanket coats seem most to enjoy." Beers describes the first recorded bouncing incident, which he witnessed aboard a train returning from an 1875 club concert in St. Andrews:

Have you ever heard of the joys of Bouncing -- our original? Four of the stoutest fellows, Angus Grant, A.w. Stevenson, and two others, were sitting tete-a-tete, when a sleepy blanket coat passing down the aisle was shoved in upon their knees, instinctively they seized him, and hoisted him to the roof several times, and at last restored him to the perpendicular, wide awake and much refreshed. Another one in the vicinity venturing to cross the Rubicon was tumbled into the mill, and likewise bounced. In a twinkling the trick became contagious: a special posse of Tuques seized the fellows one at a time, carried them by neck and heels to "The Bounce," where they were made to kiss the roof of the car, to the accompaniment of an orchestra of one tin cow horn. Several strangers were decoyed in from another car and vigorously bounced as a mark of esteem: one friend from St. Andrews, at the imminent risk of his neck, which he didn't mind, and at the peril of his eye glass, which he did mind, and which never left his eye during the frequent upheavals. The auxiliary of the four bouncers, who flattered himself that he was exempt, by virtue of contributing the cow horn accompaniment, was trecherously seized, and likewise "promoted." As he rose to the roof each time, a plaintive howl issued from the horn, which he kept to his mouth. A disinterested effort was made to bounce the conductor, but as he told us he expected to get it from the Grand Trunk, we spared him.

And here, from the Montreal Star's 1887 Carnival supplement, is a political caricature called, The Origin of the Bounce, showing (judging by the schnozz and tam) the bouncing (out of office, as it were) of Sir John A. Macdonald, followed by Alexander Mackenzie, then Sir John A., and so on. Click for large.

Qzz of Daze - who is this and why should you care?

Answer: John Boulachanis is on Canada's 10 most wanted criminal list. In 97 this heroin dealer lured Robert Tanguay into a sandpit near Riguard and shot him several times in the head. He buried the body, which was only found in September 2001. His accomplice was busted but this master of escape remains wanted for first degree murder. There's no mention of the word "allegedly" in any of the official press releases, so we won't put one here, but as always, one is not guilty until otherwise shown to be guilty. He's supposed to be in either the USA or Greece. It has been said often - and I know cuz I'm the one saying it - that Canada puts too little effort into apprehending these wanted criminals.

Peaches sell beaches

Have a sudden craving to go south? Auntie Sam and her gold diggers wished you did back in '37, when an all-expense-paid Labour Day weekend excursion from Montreal would have set you back $8.90 a head, including two-way travel, two nights in a hotel (double occupancy) and seven meals. Your destination? Burlington Beach.
That south enough for you in February? Didn't think so.

Singing in the streets of Montreal...

Back in 1929 the streets of this city were filled with men singing in order to hawk various fresh food items, according to one article, these are the sorts of songs they'd sing.

"Bon ble d'inde bouilli
trois sous pour un epi!"

"Galettes, galettes, madame pas trop de beurre dedans, ..cinq pour cinq sous...galettes...!"

"Bluets..bleuets...ah les bon bleuets de Saguenay...!"

The banana song was just "Bananes! Bananes!"

Shure shines of shpring

With items ranging from $1 all the way up to a buck, dollar stores are already stocking up for St. Patrick's Day. Meanwhile, down in the old Irish heart of town, Costco on Bridge Street is hanging Huron Infinity bikes for $159.99. Y'know it was back on February 2 that Groundhog Phil predicted six weeks of winter: we're nearly halfway home. (Another inch; write something about Chimples - Ed.) Don't try to shoot pictures like these. Security doesn't like it. That's why we sent Chimples: his brain chip captures images direct from his cerebral cortex.

The Elusive - theatre review...now that's what I call rather good

For the next few days the Geordie Space on the Plateau features a homespun drama penned by local boy Mike Czuba, well worth the fifteen skulls. It's staged at a barebones theatre in an industrial space complete with clanging pipes at Berri at Duluth. It's entitled The Elusive and is on nightly at 8 until Saturday, plus a Sunday matinee. A navelgazing 29 year old philosopher wallows in misery and a dollop of weltschmerz. He visits a sexy nymphette down the hallway for clandestine love encounters but he's not serious about the affair, while she is. One day our hero's Lothario-like roommate brings home a gorgeous, sophisticated date and suddenly the frog's in the blender. This rousing play stars Brad Carmichael, Adam LeBlanc, Alison Louder and Kim Doucet, directed by Murray Napier and written by Mike Czuba.

Montreal's affordability index tanking fast

Montreal's affordability index is on a Bre-X like skid. The chart proves that buying a house is becoming far more difficult here as prices continue to outstrip pay stubs. No running from it either, cuz other Canadian cities reflect the same trend. The graph also reveals that 2002 was a good time to buy. That's when your uncle should have tapped you on the shoulder and told you to make a deal. Meanwhile Calgary's affordability index is 115 and Toronto's is about 98. So if you could snag an average job in those cities you'd have rougly similar debt load situation as you would here. Vancouver, however has an index of 65, which means that an average earner will struggle to get by after his mortgage payments there. Montreal's cheapest house from what we can tell is at Ontario and Fullum, $189,000.

Remember that scandal?

15 years ago (well January 1993 to be precise) McGill University made an administrative decision that ended up causing the high-profile, premature deaths of two top scientists. There was more fingerpointing than at a kite convention. Can anybody recall the scandal?

Ok, so then what is this an ad for?

Another recent ad from Montreal. What it for? Time Up! It's for the Orbite hair Salon on Laurier. Posh enough to hire an expensive ad agency. I wonder how much one of these 'dos costs. Gives a whole new meaning to short back'n'sides.

Quiz - this detail is from an ad for what local establishment?

We have a correct lucky guess from Miss Ginger, it is indeed the Go Go Lounge, which hired an ad firm to design an ad aimed at keeping clientele after the smoking ban, so the idea is that you can swap saliva at the bar rather than smoking a cigarette.

Petty bureaucrats slam jackboots of oppression all over heroic organization

The yellow door at 3625 Aylmer is no more. Yes, the Yellow Door, one of the city's most noble places, still exists, but they've been ordered to unhinge and conform. The local landmark has helped the downtrodden for 41 years. Drug addicts, the elderly and draft dodgers have found help at the place, and much artsy activity has taken place behind that yellow door, which houses what's billed as Canada's longest running coffee house. However petty local bureaucrats have decided that the Yellow Door cannot be allowed to keep its trademark, traditional, customary sunshiney entrance. Inspectors ordered the Yellow Door to conform to local bylaws which forbid such colourfulness. The administration simply agreed and replaced the door a couple of months ago. Coolopolis and all of its human employees think that they should have sought some sort of exemption. The staff, pictured above attractively clad in denim pant uniforms, remain pleasant and full of misguided hope for humanity. There's a poetry reading there this Thursday evening around 7:30 featuring Barry Webster, Sandra Sjollema, Don Bapst, Kelly Norah Drukker, Leonard Eichel, Maria Francesca LoDico and Milton Dawes at $5 a throw.

Mr. Wang at large

This streaker dashed onto the stadium floor at the 1976 Olympic Games to join the dancers taking part in the Closing Ceremony. The picture was shot by Ottawa Citizen photographer Lynn Ball, brother of Gazette shooter Doug Ball (Southam papers had a lot of Balls in those days.) Together the brothers wrote the 2005 joint memoir, Life on a Press Pass. For Lynn, the streaker shot was a priceless memory -- and an expensive one, as his expensive Hasselblad camera was stolen from his bag while he turned to get this shot. According to another site, the streaker was 23 year old Michael Leduc, he was the first Olympic streaker.

Noah Richler kicks off his new book

There was an olde Quebec-style welcome at the Boreale Editions HQ on St. Denis last evening, as Noah Richler officially launched his anticipated French-language book Mon pays, c'est un roman. Dany Laferriere was there, as was Gaetan Soucy and David Homel, just to name of the few noteworthies. After living a decade in Toronto and 15 years before that in London with frequent visits with family back in Montreal, this former Stanislas student rose to the occasion in slightly-rusty French (hear some here), but the friendly crowd got the drift. After all, the wine was good, and there were cool little pizza-baguettes instead of the usual celery and cauliflower. Richler's latest book is actually the French translation of his award-winning This is My Country, What's Yours? -- his survey of fiction writers and writing in Canada today. Here's part of what he said, as translated and scribbled on a 4 1/2" X 4 1/2" party napkin: "I am indebted to the authors I met, not only for the interviews they granted, but also for portions of their work that they provided for free, without which there would have been no book at all." The book's been getting good press and coverage the past few days.

Quiz: What's the local angle?

What's the connection between Montreal and this major downtown Los Angeles thoroughfare?


Answer: No, it's not where the metro station lets out. The winner identified that the street is named after Prudent Beaudry (1818-1893), who's buried in Montreal's Notre Dame des Neiges Cemetery and was indeed the mayor of Los Angeles at the same time his brother was mayor of Montreal. In fact, without his vision and financial drive, Movietown U.S.A. might have remained just another sleepy coastal town.


In fact, Beaudry's water-diversion plans, combined with his political intrigues look like something right out of Roman Polanski's Chinatown. After pioneering dam and diversion projects, he and his partners won private control of the entire Los Angeles water system for the puny sum of $1,500 a year.

Here's a hint of what made this native of Saint Anne des Plaines tick, from the 2002 book, William Mulholland and the Rise of Los Angeles (Catherine Mulholland, University of California Press):

In the first years of American occupation [of California] and up to 1868, several private ventures into the management and distribution of domestic water [in the Los Angeles area] were attempted and failed. Most conspicuous and ambitious were those of Prudent Beaudry, who, along with partners Dr. John Griffin and Solomon Lazard, in March 1868 helped finance the new Canal and Reservoir Company, which was to advance his real estate dreams. Beaudry, once described as prim and Napoleonic, was a French Canadian from Quebec, reputed to have made and lost several fortunes. he had been in San Francisco during the Gold Rush and came to Los Angeles in the 1850s. After prospering with his brother, Victor, as a smelter in the silver strike at Cerro Gordo, Beaudry bought quantities of real estate to subdivide and develop, as he envisioned hillside homes on the dry empty hills north and northwest of the city. He called his arid tract Bellevue Terrace, and he prevailed upon the city to grant additional land for building a dam in the barren chaparral hills west and northwest of Figueroa on the site of today's Echo Park.
Until then the city's water systems had involved only the central district around the plaza and along the river to the south, much of which was really river bottomland. Beaudry's new dam would allow the city to grow westward, an idea that many of the old-time conservative residents found farfetched, but to which the "intrepid Beaudry," as one of his associates called him, gave his full support. Thus, Beaudry became the power behind the Los Angeles Canal and Reservoir Company, to which the city granted a portion of land on March 23, 1868.

And the story picks up after that... .

Decarie Square - oh the excitement!

The Decarie Square Mall has never been a resounding success, but it's not quite as dismal as the Cavendish Mall. The entrance can be a nasty surprise though. Supposedly places with big glass doors were once required to affix stickers to the glass to prevent such nose-crushing mishaps, allegedly the result of an incident at Steinbergs in the sixties where some guy was badly hurt walking through glass that he didn't see. If nothing else, you can buy a Montreal Wanderers throwback sweater at the liquidation store near the entrance ($50 but only in small or XL). It might even top a Montreal Maroons sweater as the ultimate symbol of Montreal anglo status.

The bike squad!

Montreal's bicycle squad lasted from the 30s to about 1945.

Snowy Montreal

snow, unrelenting, piled as high as a man.
there's a fire hydrant somewhere

Who was the Chateauguay sex killer?

The blacked out photo at left is as far as you'll ever get knowing the identity of the sadistic sex murderer who terrorized Chateauguay in the mid 70s. He was caught but few know his real identity. It's possible that he's alive and among us. If so he'd be about 49. The picture was printed in the Allo Police 28 July 1975, p. 3.

Mr. X claimed the lives of Norma O'Brien, and Debbie Fisher (bottom photo), he savagely killed them in July 1974 and July 1975.

O'Brien was found dead in a field on St. Francis in Chateauguay in July 1974. The 12 year old child had been beaten, strangled and raped just 1,500 feet from her front door at 94 Lucerne where she lived with family, including parents Peter O'Brien and Gayle O'Brien. They still live there. Norma was walking a mile back from the pool where her water polo practice had been canceled and she headed back around 8:40 p.m. Her body was found by the pool manager a few hours later. The sadistic murderer had done terrible things to her before killing her.

One year later, in July 1975 the same killer committed a similarly heartbreakingly unspeakable act to Debbie Fisher, 5'5" 108 pounds and a mere 14 years old. He smashed her skull and left her body in the roadside woods of Brisebois Avenue, 5 kilometers from the first murder. He was apprehended soon after and confessed.

In July 1976 the killer went to court. He was an adult, aged 18 but he was tried as a minor as he had committed the crimes aged 16 and 17. Thus the identity of one of the worst local sex-murderers of recent times has and will be forever shielded from the public.

"Downtown" Verdun

Downtown Verdun has officially been declared as Wellington and a part of Church Street (aka de l'Eglise). If a commerce closes elsewhere it must be turned into housing. The plan is to concentrate all biznesses onto Wellington and Church, thus limiting the problem of empty storefronts. It hasn't been going swimmingly. Coiffure Jackie on the shimmering downtown Church is closed, as is the adjacent apartment building, still boarded up for a year. The restaurant at the corner of Wellington and Church - (Verdun's Peel and St. Catherine) has also been closed for what now seems an eternity. Church has some great stuff, including a homey Polish restaurant and all-you-can Yuki Sushi, but the city must get in action planting trees, burying phone lines, creating a green space on the hideous lot at the corner of Verdun Avenue. Verdun pols plead poverty. Another idea: bridge to Nun's Island. It must eventually be put in for safety reasons if nothing else. As long as Islander Claude Trudel remains mayor it probably won't happen, but one day it shall.

Quiz

What Montrealer who studied the bottom of a lot of glasses (studied a lot of bottoms with his glasses? - Chimples) at places like Else's and Crescent Street hosted Saturday Night Live 30 years ago? The hint is the person's nose.

Answer: Our infotainment quiz has yielded a successful guesstimate. The individual in question is indeed Michael Sarrazin, onetime Hollywood star of Gumball Rally, They Shoot Horses Don't They and For Pete's Sake, smooching it up with such marquee co-stars as Jane Fonda, Jacqueline Bisset, Barbra Streisand and the lovely Dolph Lundgren. (He smooched with Dolph? Are you drunk? - Chimples). Sarrazin also hosted SNL in April 1978 amid Belushi, Murray et al and possibly a second time as well according to one bio. He moved back to Montreal around 1994, initially staying with his daugther in Point St. Charles, surely making him one of the only-ever movie stars to move from Hollywood to the Point.

CBC & climate change: words have never rung so hollow !

If you've turned on your TV or radio to CBC over the last few years you've got an earful of worried talk about climate change and pollution caused by excessive driving of motor vehicles. But when it comes to walking the walk, Montreal's CBC ain't doing much. The CBC's parking on Dorchester Street East is one of the most generous anywhere near downtown with 1,200 spaces. And yet it's still insufficient. If you were hired prior to 2000 you have the right to park in the lots anytime, otherwise you'll only get a spot if you arrive before 6:30 am or after 2:30 pm. Hint: the Beaudry metro is a pleasant six minute walk. Here's a map. Every few years a real estate development is announced for the land where the parking lot sits. The latest proposed development would have 3,300 parking spaces, presumably mostly indoors.

Bye bye St. Elizabeth Church

This landmark church is going down. It is the Ste-Elisabeth du Portugal at the corner of Courcelle and St James W., a block away from where the infamous Dubois brother crime clan grew up. It opened in 1958and is the third church built on the same site. The original church was built in 1810 with a schoolhouse integrated in it. The Catholic Church sold it three years ago to the FTQ's real estate arm Solim. It will be demolished sometime before the end of April 2008, replaced by housing. Construction is slated to begin May or June. The new construction will fill part of the land, what will be done on the rest of the land remains to be seen. Some of the new units will be social housing, others will be...err.. not social housing. It is unknown how many units will be built. The borough rejected Solim's proposal to build nice condos there, ordering them instead to build homes for randomly chosen welfare opportunists, crackheads and beggars, a concept known as slum, er, "social housing." (Nice objective reporting! - Chimples). Last May 5 and 11 two fires were set to the church which had been boarded up since around 2001. Kids who regularly snuck inside the unmonitored building were suspected, but nobody was arrested.

Jack Frost sent packing

From Canadian Illustrated News, published in Montreal, Feb. 23, 1883.

Hot hot heat and the Westmount street

Back in the 'fifties, Westmount melted its snow at an installation on the Glen -- that's lower Lansdowne to you come-from-aways. There a heated tank linked to the St. Lawrence river disposed of the city's snow without recourse to dumping.
Day and night, men unloaded the white stuff scooped off city streets and turned it into water.
The picture above was taken in early April, 1955. A heavy snowstorm required 840 truckloads to be dumped into the system in one day.

This oil-heated furnace was never shut down, from the first snowfall until spring.

Montreal had several snow melters of its own. They weren't the safest places to play in, as the Vallee brothers, Robert, 12, and Richard, 11, discovered after three of their friends pushed them into one near the corner of Mentana and St. Gregoire in September, 1972. Depending on whose story you listen to, the boys either lit a match or somebody threw in some flaming trash when -- boom! -- a gas leak ignited in the melter, leaving the boys badly burned.

The Montreal melters were decommissioned in '77 because it was costing the city $1.15 a ton to melt the snow, when it could be dumped into the river for next to nothing. That didn't stop the city braintrust from considering new, microwave melters in 1983. But that plan came to zilch.

Quiz: What's with the lamps?

This 1955 picture shows a pair of lamps in front of an incredibly ornate and luxurious palace. What's the big idea?

Answer time: We have a winner in comments. Yes, it's the residence of hizzoner, Jean Drapeau, former partner in the law firm of Drapeau and Melancon, as seen in 1955. It's at 5482 5th Avenue in Rosemount. The lamps were there to tell people that a bigwig lived inside. Westmount used to do, maybe still does, the same thing.

The days of Chief Poking Fire

Once up a time, Kanawake was home to a museum that attracted some of the most famous people in the world: it was called Chief Poking Fire's Indian Village.

That's a caricature of Chief Poking Fire from a 1950s ad, and here's a postcard showing him riding in front of the museum, which he opened in 1936.

According to the local Kanawake paper, the Eastern Door, "every family in Kahnawake has some family history of being around the Village while growing up."

It wasn't only popular with locals. Europeans and Asians flocked to it for a sample of Native American living. For some reason, black American tourists would arrive by the busload from the States, eager to do what everybody else did: plunk down their admisison, witness the ceremonies, buy the trinkets, and have their pictures taken with Chief Poking Fire and company. Here's one such snap, as taken during the Expo summer and posted by Ujima (the cool babe on the far right) on Flickr.

Celebrities also liked to pop in, as the Eastern Door writes:

"Late one night while the Village was preparing to close up, a limousine drove up to the Village. Ray Charles and two bodyguards stepped out of the car and went into the Museum. The two men described what was on display for him while he visited the Village."

Other notable visitors to the museum in what was then called Caughnawaga included Maurice Chevalier, who sang for local girl Louise McComber; Sabu, star of The Jungle Book; and at least one Middle-Eastern Shiek and his wives.
Chief Poking Fire: gone but not forgotten.

An eerie crime in Rosemount

Battered Victim Recounts Battle of Missing Earlobes
by Dave Lancashire
The Montreal Herald
Friday, April 1, 1955, Pp. 10

A well-chewed plaintiff took the stand yesterday and claimed that 22-year-old Jean Langlois, without so much as an introduction, jumped him in an Orleans st. rooming house March 14 and proceeded to bite off his earlobes, among other things.
Langlois, of 5152 Orleans st., appeared for preliminary hearing before Jude Marechal Nantel on a charge of assault causing bodily harm to Joseph Ligda, 30, of 1721 Sanguinet st. in a pre-dawn battle over a woman.
Judge Nantel remanded Langlois, who appeared at yesterday's hearing without counsel, for voluntary statement April 5.
With both ears swathed in bandages, Ligda told the court in halting English of a chance encounter which led to the chewing incident. He said he had met dumpy Rita Carpentier, 25, whom he had known "for a long time" at 3 o'clock in the morning in the Canasta club and had taken her home.
"Home" was 5152 Orleans st., the same house where Langlois lives.
"I fell asleep," he said, "and at about 6 o'clock, the door was smashed open."
Fingering his half-missing ears, Ligda admitted that he was hardly dressed for a fight, or anything else, since he was wearing no clothes at all at the time.
"He jumped me," said Ligda. "He hit me over the eyes, then he bit my ears -- he bit me all over."
A few minutes earlier, Maisonneuve hospital intern Andre Sauve had read to the court a two-minute list of injuries for which he had treated Ligda. Most of the wounds, he testified, were caused by "biting."
Ligda said not only did he not know Langlois, but that he had never seen him before, and that in the midst of the festivities, he didnt' get a chance to even speak to him."He just said, 'I'll kill you,'" Ligda told Judge Nantel.
"I didn't call the police," he said. "I went out in my underwear to phone them, but when I got back, they were already there."
Ligda said his wounds were not yet cured sufficiently for doctors to replace the missing lobes.
The original models are at present preserved in alcohol at police headquarters, ready to be produced as evidence if necessary.
Miss Carpenter, the stocky red-headed femme fatale who lit the fuse of the ruckus, said she brought "Joe" into the house that morning, then locked and chained the door.
Miss Carpentier agreed that Langlois had flown into a rage and lit into the blearry-eyed Ligda.
"Well," said Judge Nantel. "I agree that it's a case of biting, but was there any intent to mutilate?"
"Your Honor," said Mr. Lamer, "teeth were the only instruments he had at the time."

Theatre reviews

Half Life plays for nine more days at the Centaur. A Alzheimer-stricken couple find love difficult due to the rules of their old age home. A few seconds of it here. It's written by the same Toronto mathematician who wrote Posssible Worlds. If you know someone who had Alzheimers it's a meaningful play, otherwise not essential viewing.

Dali's Phone booth - Operator please get Andalusia on the line

Sometimes Chimples' Superintelligence Implant starts overheating, such as when he sees photos like this at St. James at Terry Fox Park. This does not compute for some reason. The lovable chimp also gets overworked when asked questions like: "when you push toast back in to get darker, does the toaster know that it's the same piece of toast or it a new toasting session" So when he's overworked, we sneak up on him and yank the intelligence chip out in moments like that and he usually falls asleep soon after and that's when we slip it back in.

News vendors..where arent they now?

Sam Rosenberg operated a newststand at Mountain and St. Catherine for six days a week for 49 years without missing a day.

He's standing against the CJAD bldg, with Bessie's Dress Shop behind him, looking up Mountain. He even worked Sundays, delivering the NY Times to his clients up the hill on Mountain and Drummond. This photo was taken in the early 70s by Sam's cousin, pro photo vet Harold Rosenberg. Harold would stop by after class at McGill to help Sammy check his Benjamin News order invoices. Sam could not read. He was still able to buy his own house and support his family. He offered the young Harold the biz when he decided to pack it in.

Sam eventually dropped the A bomb on Harold, telling him he was adopted, a famous local story that we shall relate another time.

A few years before the city phased these kiosks out, they designed a more modern news kiosk for all the vendors in an effort to standardize the look. They were small but well heated.

Sam's brother-in-law Max operated the stand on the southwest corner of Mackay and St. Catherine, in front of the post office/army recruiting centre, until he died in the 1970's.

When Max died, Rene Levesque - one of his regular customers during his stint at CBC around the corner - sent his condolences. On Sammy's last day on the job, the owner of Ogilvy's across the street presented him with a fancy raccoon coat.

Another news kiosk was run by Morris Tenzer (or Tenser) St. James, (aka St. Jacques) outside the main Post Office (the block between Metcalfe and Peel). It closed up in 1976. Morris was illiterate and Karl Gerhard used to check Morris' bills since The Gazette was the only corporate customer that Morris had. With Karl gone to retirement, who would check the bills?

There was a newsstand right outside the head office building of The Bank of Montreal (St. James and F. Xavier) owned and operated by George Carydia, a Greek born in Egypt. George sold his newsstand to Jack Somberg, who passed it on to his son Albert in the 60s. It was operated by Mildred Somberg until July 31, 1996.

According to reports Metropolitan News has recently closed. It was opened by a war veteran in 1918 at Peel and St. Catherine - a corner that once hosted four newsstands - and moved around the corner to Cypress in recent years. It allegedly had a habit of advertising for workers as a ruse just to get customers in.

Another longstanding newsstand at Main and Pine was run briefly by Kenny Hertz, a poet and literary figure about town, in 1976 for about a year.

Hertz considered his corner of St. Lawrence the most polluted in the city. Christy McCormick interviewed Hertz for his paper the Ghetto Ferret. Hertz said that after a rain storm he felt like an Indonesian peasant when all his belonging were blown, sodden and scattered in every direction. He also said the the suppliers - Benjamin News - paid no attention to what he wanted. "I could sell many more Polish newspapers, but I never get any more," he said, "I hardly sell any Penthouses or Playboys, but they keep on coming in by the ton. Whenever the bureacracy does that, they put another wafer between themselves and reality." Hertz died of Parkinsons in 1991, aged 46. He once did a poetry reading at the Seven Cents Bookstore in Montreal with Seymour Mayne, the opening act was Bob Dylan.

Happy Valentines Day 1933

Jason Arsenault - hardcore parkour in NDG

Jason Arsenault, Montreal's youngest street acrobat, known to sometimes have more energy than he needs, is seen here in NDG with his fearless mom. "He's got the sixpack, I'm working on the two-four," she says. Here's the video.

Cuba - where Mtl's buses to go die (photo c 1998)

Larry Walker - Montreal's biggest grouch

Pipe smoking hotties

Andree D'Amour was famous in 1969 for being one of those rare women who smokes a pipe. Here's a photo of an amazed vagrant staring incredulously at her puffing away at the wheel. Then there's also a snap of her clutching her bowl of 'bacci while her haidresser has a go at her golden tresses. Nowadays Andree isn't quite so involved in publicity seeking gimmickry. She has found a real profession as a professional astrologer. So what's your sign baby?

YWCA goes dry

After 58 years at Dorchester and Crescent the pool at the YWCA is closing. According to a press release sent to Coolopolis Towers and sorta crumpled by a certain ape, the pool has incurred an annual loss of $300,000. Attempts to get the city and various other groups to bail it out failed. March 31 is the last day you can splash in the pool. Unless you're a man. No men allowed, once again. Although this hasn't always been a strict rule. A few years ago the pool was the site of a sorta funny incident. Women going swimming in the men-verboten pool were shocked to see a bunch of nude guys walking around weiners proudly waving in the wind. The women complained. They were told that the local nudist association had rented the pool and had a right to be there. We're not sure the YWCA ever really got over YWeinergate. The YWCA will continue to otherwise operate as usual, just in a dryer way. The place has been around for 155 years. Its current mandate includes providing women "tools to counter hypersexualization."

Corporate Westmount Wannabes

So there's a gym across from the Home Depot in St. Henry called Curves. It's for women only. It made the news a few months ago women protested that they weren't allowed in pubs in the Gay Village and some guy responded by applying to Curves, which seems blissfully above gender blind requirements.

But the real issue with the the Curves in St. Henry actually calls itself Curves Westmount.

According to the City of Westmount there's no law against companies with no connection to the posh well-heeled suburb from using its name, as long as they're not putting the city crest or the words City of in their names. That's why the Westmount Tavern and Westmount Plumbing long used the name.

Coolopolis called Curves Westmount, located in St. Henri and asked why they're called Westmount when they're not in Westmount. "We ARE in Westmount," replied the clerk. We called the city of Westmount which confirmed that they are not in Westmount. We called Curves Westmount back with the sad news that they are not in fact in Westmount. The receptionist changed her tune. "I don't know, I'm from the West Island. Why are you calling?"

NDG needs to separate

This? To the left?
What is it, you ask?

This unwieldy geographic unit is the ridiculously named borough of Cote-des-Neiges/Notre-Dame-de-Grace.

The absurd monicker is suitable. When they drew the map and jammed these two boroughs together into one borough, the pencil pushers were clearly tripping on lysergic acid. In a city where many boroughs and municipalities have under 20,000 people, this single monster borough covers an area of 20 square kilomters and 163,000 residents.

Compare that to somewhere like to Montreal West which is a few blocks and contains 6,332 residents, or Westmount which has 20,000 residents.

In most boroughs and towns you can go to the borough council meeting and ask questions from your councilor or mayor. In NDG/CDN, however, the meetings alternate between the boroughs (they're either at the Manoir on NDG Avenue and Decarie or at the Saidye Bronfman Center), and even if you can figure out where it's at, you still have to wait in line between dozens of other people asking questions. You're not likely to get your chance at the mike, unfortunately.


Even alone, NDG is a huge borough and you'll be lucky if you're anywhere near a city service that you want. There are allegedly two libraries in the area, but one of them, the one on Botrel is just a shoe closet. If you want to get to the police station, you've go to travel up to five kilometers. The borough had a place where you could go to buy your parking stickers and do other municipal business, handily placed on Sherbrooke but it closed and was relocated to Queen Mary and Decarie. Swimming pools? I don't think there are any in NDG. According to a 2001 study Dorval gets $1,200 in provincial grants per resident. NDG got $300 per resident.

Stealing doesn't pay

Hulking, hunky Habs D-man Ryan O'Byrne was arrested in Florida, a result of him taking a purse in a bar he apparently believed to be his girlfriend's. We think he's guilty of extreme drunkeness on the night of the Habs rookie night dinner. So Chimples suggests that we recap some earlier high-profile Montreal thefts.

- January 30, 1982, Quebec Cabinet Minister Claude Charron stole a $120 tweed jacket from Eaton's and his gay lover Jean-Luc Gauthier assaulted a store detective to try to help Charron get away with the crime.

- December 1998 separatist Lorraine Page, boss of Quebec's powerful Teachers union ended up leaving The Bay with a pair of $50 gloves that she hadn't paid for. An immense legal effort got her acquitted on the explanation that the gloves jumped into her purse but she was a non-force after that.

-Montreal cop Guy Marleau was found guilty of stealing $191 worth of groceries from a store he was supposed to be guarding in April 2002.

Some stats on shoplifting from a 2001 survey by Samson Belair Deloitte & Touche

Quebec has 50,000 retail establishments with sales of more than $60 billion a year and employs over 400,000.

Shoplifters and employees stole $600 million worth of goods from Quebec retailers in 2000.

Shoplifting caused daily losses of about $835,000, theft by employees cost about $491,000 a day.

Shoplifting was responsible for 51 per cent of the losses, followed by theft by employees, which accounted for 30 per cent. Administrative errors were responsible for 13 per cent, fraud or supplier errors for 4 per cent, and vandalism for 2 per cent.

Retailers of semi-durable products - including books and stationary, records and videotapes - reported a loss of 1.97 per cent in 2000 - the highest percentage of loss among retailers surveyed. Grocery stores, with average losses of 0.43 per cent, suffered the least, 53 per cent of retailers surveyed had an in-house loss-prevention program in 2000, compared with only 39 per cent in 1998.

Quiz! Explain the bust

In 1968, Municipal Court Judge Marcel Marier acquitted four women of indency for being paid to dance topless at the Petit Baril bar on St. Lawrence Street. The decision followed a series of court decisions that effectively ended the practice of arresting strippers for plying their trade.

But after one local paper published these very pictures of a topless employee of a Montreal club, the dancer was promptly arrested and became a minor celebrity. Why?

Answertime: Tick-tick time's up. She became a minor celebrity because she was indeed a minor. Identified only as Monique F., this 15-year-old Val d'Or schoolgirl had run away from home a couple of weeks before the pictures were taken. In Montreal, she told everybody she was 20 and that her name was Annie Lapierre. She was soon taken under the wing of a 25-year-old guy. First she worked as a waitress, and then she was offered the more lucrative gig, which came to a well-publicized halt after thousands of Quebecers saw her on the front page of La Patrie, someone recognized her from the picture and called the cops, who pondered charging her for consuming alcohol and sent her home. She would be 55 years old today.

Kevin Costner's Montreal film that never got made cuz the till was nabbed

A prominent Montreal lawyer with an office overlooking St. Louis Square tells Coolopolis that a few years ago Kevin Costner was slated to star in a locally-shot movie called St. Louis Square (pictured above). Everything was all lined up and ready to go until one of the producers couldn't resist the temptation of the six figure bank account all assembled to shoot this drama. He grabbed a mil and skedaddled to Europa, leaving the other producer in the lurch, having to apologize profusely to Telefilm and other Canadian government contributors. And of course the film never got made. A few years later the good-guy producer happened to cross paths with his former associate in Europe. The duo had a civil meal together.

Laval vs. Westmount

These satellite images of Laval (top) and Westmount (bottom) prove that Laval residents have a lot more of a certain thing than Westmount.

Murderous moments for matronly Montreal Majors

On April 30, 1937 the body of Georgiana Major, 54,of 9162 Reims, was found lying in a field at 9741 St. Lawrence. Her head was propped on her suitcase like a pillow. Circumstances of her death were unknown.
At about the same time, 4 p.m. ish, Eliza Major, 52 and her sister Noella Major, 42, spinsters living at 1670 Coloniale were found dead in their home from drinking bad alcohol.

All three dead Major women were brought to the St. Luke hospital at about the same time.

Q! Who's this guy and how did his act of sabotage bring glory to Montreal?

Clue: He was born in Venezuela and lived in Mtl during the 2nd half of the 70s and now lives in Los Angeles.

Answer: This is former Montreal Canadien Rick Chartraw who - according to legend - blasted a slapshot into the mask of Bunny Larocque during a pre-game practice before a crucial playoff game versus Boston. Chartraw aimed to injure the now-deceased backup netminder enough to force coach Scotty Bowman to come to his senses and play Ken Dryden. The ruse worked. Larocque was sidelined and Dryden went on to win the crucial contest.

What this city needs is a good five cent cigar

Rudyard Kipling: "A woman is only a woman but a good cigar is a smoke."

Ergo a joint full of sexy bimbos is all good, but a cigar lounge is the real McCoy.

Due to maniacal provincial bureaucratic requirements thrust on restaurants and bars, only three local establishments have maintained cigar lounges. Unless you sell a certain dollar amount of cigars per annum, your permission to operate is butted out.

The three survivors are Stogies at
Crescent and Demaisonneuve (pictured twice with bonus tube-toppery), Queue de Cheval at Drummond and Dorch, (too expensive for you) and the Whisky Cafe, at Bernard and St. Lawrence, (that's a photo of a booth from the place.)

The Whisky Cafe requires you pay a fee to cut your byoc cigar, so they grab you there. Funny sight at these places: cigarette smokers are so desperate for a ciggy they wrap brown paper around their smoke, pretending it's a cigarello. So if you can't wait for terrace season Stogies might be your best bet.

Karting king paid a steep price

Louis Steiner was on a mission in the fateful year 1967. He wanted to put go-karting on the map. The 33-year-old Gaspe-born resident of Montreal was a gifted mechanic and veteran stock-car racer who developed a passion for go-karts, which could hit 140 miles per hour on straightaways. He believed karting could be every bit as exciting as stock-car racing and he wanted to get his message across to the sporting public.
Steiner's breakthrough came when organizers of the Labatt Indy gave him and the Montreal Karting Club the nod to stage a demonstration of high-performance go-karts during a break in the 1967 championships. Wearing a red helmet with a white stripe, Steiner was at the wheel of one of the karts before 30,000 fans at the Mont Tremblant racing circuit on the beautiful afternoon of August 6.
Round and round he went. Fifty miles an hour. Seventy-five. Ninety and up.
But there would be no checkered flag for Steiner. Little did he know it but the spectre of death was awaiting him at the finish line. It was a fate he escaped -- barely -- but not witout paying a steep price. Because suddenly and without warning, his kart left the track on a steep curve.

It veered suddenly to the left and into the air before crashing back down on the pavement. Steiner was unable to pull his legs out of the machine when his kart left the track, and the full force of its 150 pounds came down on top of him, breaking his spinal column and putting him in a two-week coma.

The action frames come from a 15-second film clip showing Steiner just before the crash, moments after impact, and when crowd members try to dislodge him from under the wrecked kart.
Some blamed a puddle of oil that appeared during the day's racing.

Ground crew had poured concrete powder on it as a standard precaution, which works for tires that have treads but not with the slick tires on go-karts. But nobody knows for sure.

Steiner regained consciousness at Veterans Hospital, where he received treatment and rehabilitation. He was almost entirely paralyzed from the neck down. When his mother visited, he promised he wouldn't race any more. But he still loved cars and wheels. Within a few days, he insisted on being driven to the Paul Sauve arena to watch stock-car racing on a giant screen. Racing would forever be in his blood.

Quiz - who's this legendary Montrealer?

She was from the area where now sits the dreadful Habitations Jeanne Mance.

Answer: this is indeed Monica Proietti, aka, Machine Gun Molly who robbed about 20 banks before being gunned down in a police chase in September 1967.

Seemed like a good idea at the time...

Alphetus Mathieu, member of Montreal city's unemployment commission recommended 73 years ago that those without work be put into concentration camps.

The pensive Finn

This photo of Finnish hockeyeur Jaane Niinima, who played briefly on the Habs at the end of a long career, coming from Dallas in exchange for local-boy-gone-bad Mike Ribeiro, has become a longstanding obsession amongst hockey discussion forums participants. What could he possibly be doing? He looks like a robotic Manchurian candidate amid a group of celebrating comrades. Nobody knows.

Does Castro have a middle-aged bastard son in Montreal?

According to one newspaper report, Fidel Castro fathered a child with a woman who visited his hotel room in Montreal. Details are vague. Apparently a blonde woman visited his hotel suite in 1959 at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel and left only at 6:30 a.m. Cops gave her a motorized escort home. When she got home she yelled "see ya later suckers!" She gave birth to a black haired baby nine months later according to a reputable newspaper report which Chimples claims fails in the credibility analysis sector of his mechanized cerebellum. This opens the admittedly slim possibility of a middle-aged Montrealer taking over Cuba once Castro dies, although his six sons and one daughter might also be ahead of him in line.

The lure of Montreal

In 1959 the Gagnon sisters from Chicoutimi, aged 29 and 31, abandoned their 11 children to haul tail to Montreal after their husbands were put in jail. Their own mom ratted them out and they were arrested. After two months they were found on living under assumed names in a rooming house on Atwater. They were both holding down factory jobs. It was their third such flight to the big city. They were sentenced to eight days in jail. Granny Gagnon, 66, had to watch their 11 children, plus another four from yet another daughter who wasn't taking motherhood entirely seriously either. Both sisters were married - their husbands were brothers - when they were 15.

Game over for Yogi

"It ain't over till it's over."

That's just one of the many quotes 82 year old Yogi Berra has given us. Well, the game is over for a different Yogi now: the Guru, but not the Berra, has left the stadium. (What about Yogi Bear? - Chimples).

The Beatles -- and plenty more suckas with banknotes to burn -- fell for the teachings of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who died today in the Netherlands at age 91. At the peak of his influence about 35 years ago, he had an impressive number of Montreal devotees. Of his estimated five million adherents worldwide and 70,000 in Canada, about 8,000 lived in this city. (That's like Montreal West plus Baie d'Urfe plus Chimples). No wonder: even the federal government-appointed Le Dain Commission on the use of illegal drugs recommended meditation as an alternative to turning on, tuning in and dropping out.

Those who were attracted to the Transcendental Meditation clinic the guru set up -- O.K., basically franchised -- in Montreal shelled out $125 for four sessions -- a big chunk of change at a time when a pack of Belvedere filters set youze back about 65 cents. No wonder John Lennon dismissed the guru as greedy. Others swore by his teachings.

As part of their discipline, TM people were supposed to meditate and chant a couple of syllables -- a "mantra" -- for 20 minutes a day. The giggling guru would say that TM could help people develop full capactity of the mind. In 1973, he told CBC TV's Hourglass that Transcendental Meditation is "a way for a man to begin to use his full mental potential," and that by following its precepts, "the whole personality becomes more powerful, at the same time more peaceful and happier inside."

Hair-brushing tips: Another public service announcement from Coolopolis

As part of our mission to educate our fellow Montrealers, we at Coolopolis are setting aside this space to offer you the following sane recommendations for prudent hair-brushing techniques. Brush carefully!

1. Never brush wet hair. Leave it to dry
2. Whenever possible, start to comb your hair before you brush.
3. Use a good hairbrush.
4. Using a spray bottle, wet your hair to get rid of static.
5. Take down this reprehensible garbage you pigs.
6. No, don't.

Name that logo

O.K., we're throwing a bone to ye olde thymers. What company used this bird as part of its corporate identity? They were all over town.

Answertime update: Direct Film was, at one time, Quebec's largest retailer of photographic products and photofinishing with more than 500 mostly unionized staff in 118 outlets at one point. It's hard to forget their jingle: "Double your prints for a dollar, at Direct Film."

The subsidiary of Winnipeg-based Federal Industries Ltd. was founded in 1961. At the end, it was raking in $32 million a year, but shelling out $36 million. It filed for bankruptcy on this date in 1990. Bob, who must have a grey hair or two, got the answer about as fast as the "computerized one-hour processing service" Direct Film implemented in '85.

Employees were unionized in the early 80s and by 1990 clerks were earning $10-$13 an hour, about double the competition. The Montreal-launched company was losing about half a million a month by February 1990 and declared bankruptcy, citing stiff competition.

Don't just sit there ... read Coolopolis!

Temptation is a slippery slope

Quebec has Medicare today, but back in the '50s, devout Roman Catholic skiers (and atheists who liked huddling with kneeling chicks) used to ward off broken bones and bad breath alike with a blessing from one of, uh, those guys they used to have there -- oh yeah, priests.

(Hey, do you think maybe he just walked into their group shot? -- Chimples)

The man with the iron jaw

Behold "Iron Jaw" Wilson, who -- tooth be told -- could lift furniture with his mouth. Here he's hoisting at least two tables with his mighty chompers. He was in town performing at the Cafe St. Michel in April, 1944. By the way, Cafe St. Michel was on Mountain Street, across from the legendary Rockhead's Paradise. Both are now commodious parking lots of the First Category. If you were watching TV in the late '70s, you might have caught some of Iron Jaw's recurrent appearances on the Red Foxx variety show.