Humans facing extinction: how Montreal can save humanity by reversing plummeting sperm counts

Humans are on the brink of extinction, as tragically-ignored studies on fertility have repeatedly confirmed.
   Coolopolis naturally begs the obvious question: how can Montreal make money off this crisis?
   Male sperm rates have fallen through the floor and if the trend continues, there will be no more babies born, as too few miscroscopic little guys are swimming to that egg.
   The causes of this demise of human capability range from too much estrogen-like substance in the water supply - caused by plastics and urine from women who take birth control pills, to sporting too-tight underwear.
   Montreal is perfectly placed to become the world capital to study and reverse this decline.
 
Montreal has:

• A United Nations Environment Duty Station, which could be expanded to oversee this crisis
• Expertise in water systems at McGill University's Macdonald Campus.
• The world's largest wastewater treatment plant

   Quebec would also be wise to override Canada's misguided ban on the sale of sperm, which is a recent contrivance and inspired by a woman weeping in front of a committee. She considered it tragic that she didn't know who her biological father was. The new rules devastated the local fertility industry.
    Montreal could then improve its water filtration system to truly zap the estrogen contaminants. Montreal has been proactive in cleansing the water that goes downriver in recent times.
   Montreal needs now to double-filter the local drinking water to see if a truly-pristine source can result in increased sperm count in the local population.
    Quebec could also ban any pesticide suspected of disrupting fertility. This wouldn't be much of an issue as Quebec's farms are mostly rocks and pig farms.
   Regulating imported fruit and vegetable would be a larger task.
   Other measures could be considered, such as discouraging birth control pills or establishing special methods of disposing of the pills and the urine of the women who have ingested it.