Exclusive: Marilyn Monroe ranks attractiveness of our Montreal Canadiens hockey players

 

"Marilyn Monroe's Montreal Canadiens Roster Attractiveness Review: From James Dean to Habs Dreams"

by Marilyn Monroe

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As a devoted fan of the Montreal Canadiens since the days of Toe Blake, my love for hockey runs deep. Yet, amidst the roaring cheers and flashing lights of the arena, there's always been one constant - my undying affection for the players who grace the ice. You see, while Hollywood heartthrobs like James Dean may have failed to ignite my passions, and political figures like John F. Kennedy barely earned a second glance, it's the rugged charm and raw masculinity of the Montreal Canadiens roster that truly captures my heart.

James Dean, with his brooding demeanor and rebellious spirit, may have been the epitome of cool for many, but for me, he lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. His looks were overhyped, leaving me yearning for a different kind of allure.

And as for John F. Kennedy, well, let's just say his charm left me cold. While the world swooned over his charismatic smile and debonair persona, I found myself barely able to tolerate his presence. Politics aside, he simply didn't possess the magnetic appeal that I so crave.

But ah, the Montreal Canadiens players - they are a breed apart. With each stride on the ice, they exude a confidence and allure that simply cannot be matched. Take Josh Anderson, for example, a man who earns a solid 10 out of 10 for his rugged manliness and undeniable handsomeness. His presence on the ice is magnetic, his gaze piercing through the crowd like a beacon of strength.

Then there's Joel Armia, whose quiet confidence and understated charm earn him a respectable 6. While he may not be the flashiest player, there's something undeniably alluring about his steady presence on the ice.

Cole Caufield, with his boyish charm and infectious smile, secures a solid 7. His youthful energy and undeniable talent make him a fan favorite both on and off the ice.

Kirby Dach, with his towering stature and classic good looks, earns a notable 9. His presence on the ice commands attention, his every move exuding a quiet confidence that is simply irresistible.

Christian Dvorak, though certainly skilled in his own right, earns a modest 5 in the attractiveness department. Perhaps it's his intense focus on the game that leaves little room for charming distractions.

Jake Evans, with his boy-next-door appeal and earnest demeanor, lands a solid 6. His dedication to the game is matched only by his undeniable charm.

Brandan Gallagher, while known for his gritty play and unwavering determination, scores a 4 in the looks department. His rugged appearance may appeal to some, but it lacks the classic charm of his teammates.

Alex Newhook earns a middle-of-the-road 5. While his talent on the ice is undeniable, he doesn't quite stand out in terms of attractiveness.

Joshua Roy, with his boyish charm and striking features, secures a commendable 8. His presence on the ice is electric, his every move captivating the audience with its raw energy.

Jesse Ylonen earns a solid 6. While he may not be the most standout player in terms of looks, there's a quiet confidence in his demeanor that adds to his appeal.

Nick Suzuki, with his smoldering gaze and undeniable talent, earns a strong 8. His suave demeanor and skill make him a true heartthrob among fans.

Mike Matheson, with his rugged good looks and athletic build, secures a commendable 8. His presence on the ice is magnetic, his every move commanding attention.

Arber Xhekaj, with his chiseled features and undeniable charisma, earns a perfect 10. His presence on the ice is nothing short of mesmerizing, his every move leaving fans breathless with anticipation.

Sam Montembeault secures a solid 7. His boyish charm and infectious smile make him a fan favorite both on and off the ice.

Cayden Primeau lands a respectable 6. While he may not be the flashiest player, there's a quiet confidence in his demeanor that adds to his allure.

As we journey through the current roster of the Montreal Canadiens, it's clear that they not only excel on the ice but possess a charm and attractiveness that captivates fans far and wide. From ruggedly handsome to boyishly charming, this team truly has it all. And for this starry-eyed fan, there's no greater love than that which I hold for the players who proudly don the iconic Canadiens sweater.