“Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.”― Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions.
For about a century people have believed that they can improve their lives by becoming charming.
The unstoppable juggernaut of all charm salesmen was Dale Carnegie, who became a massive force in about 1940 when his How to Make Friends and Influence People inspired a movement that lives today in pubic speaking seminars, still popular in Montreal and elsewhere.
His folksy recipe relied on seducing people by determining what they want and then giving it to them. Combine that with optimism and perseverance and there'll be no stopping your success.
So the hardware store owner who is irritated that new mail rounds cause his mail to arrive late does not lodge a complaint, instead he charms and flatters the mailman into bringing the mail to his door earlier. (which works until some other guy then tries the same thing on the mailman).
Carnegie influenced our behavioural norms more than anybody not named Christ. My mother was delighted by her Dale Carnegie courses. My father would stress the importance of attitude and frequently spout such Carnegie-esque phrases as "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't fool around with Mr. In-Between."
But does it work? Do people live better lives when applying the principles of charm?
Making solid eye contact and amiable banter has undoubtedly helped many people in their professions and there's no shortage of testimonials from people who swear by the books and courses.
Even the oddball charm-school offshoot PUA (pick-up artist) movement has helped people get over shyness, so it's hard to see a downside.
I have met countless charming people in my life but only about five or six whose charm (possibly charisma) had me immediately.
Chris from Australia, (a rich-kid bassist with leather pants and peroxide hair) in 1981, a liltingly-voiced New Zealander named Matt who I met in about 2000; Clement a young kid from the Gaspe in 1997, and Pierre from Greenfield Park whom I've known since about 1978.
Now maybe I am a sucker for oddballs with accents but none of these charisma-owners went on to become top salesman or chairman of the board, none harnessed their charm for massive professional or social gain.
My theory: true charm in its most powerful form can only possessed by the sincere. It comes naturally and is not something to be purchased on the shelf by tryhards.
Charm is your realness broadcasting to the world.
And we know that sincerity is the hardest thing to fake.
For about a century people have believed that they can improve their lives by becoming charming.
The unstoppable juggernaut of all charm salesmen was Dale Carnegie, who became a massive force in about 1940 when his How to Make Friends and Influence People inspired a movement that lives today in pubic speaking seminars, still popular in Montreal and elsewhere.
His folksy recipe relied on seducing people by determining what they want and then giving it to them. Combine that with optimism and perseverance and there'll be no stopping your success.
So the hardware store owner who is irritated that new mail rounds cause his mail to arrive late does not lodge a complaint, instead he charms and flatters the mailman into bringing the mail to his door earlier. (which works until some other guy then tries the same thing on the mailman).Carnegie influenced our behavioural norms more than anybody not named Christ. My mother was delighted by her Dale Carnegie courses. My father would stress the importance of attitude and frequently spout such Carnegie-esque phrases as "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't fool around with Mr. In-Between."
But does it work? Do people live better lives when applying the principles of charm?
Making solid eye contact and amiable banter has undoubtedly helped many people in their professions and there's no shortage of testimonials from people who swear by the books and courses.
Even the oddball charm-school offshoot PUA (pick-up artist) movement has helped people get over shyness, so it's hard to see a downside.
I have met countless charming people in my life but only about five or six whose charm (possibly charisma) had me immediately.
Chris from Australia, (a rich-kid bassist with leather pants and peroxide hair) in 1981, a liltingly-voiced New Zealander named Matt who I met in about 2000; Clement a young kid from the Gaspe in 1997, and Pierre from Greenfield Park whom I've known since about 1978.
Now maybe I am a sucker for oddballs with accents but none of these charisma-owners went on to become top salesman or chairman of the board, none harnessed their charm for massive professional or social gain.
My theory: true charm in its most powerful form can only possessed by the sincere. It comes naturally and is not something to be purchased on the shelf by tryhards.
Charm is your realness broadcasting to the world.
And we know that sincerity is the hardest thing to fake.
For 2 years in the 90's, I worked for a guy who was REALLY into all kinds of self help and dubious "success in business" schemes. He forced a lot of this stuff on his poor employees. We had to smile and use proper posture when talking on the phone. We had to wear a full suit when flying on company business. For a while we even needed to keep "minute logs" of the tasks we were working on every minute of the day prompted by a beeper that went off every 60 seconds. The Dale Carnegie and Toastmasters stuff was by far the most useful of the things I had forced on me there.
ReplyDeleteDale Carnegie was somewhat useful but I can tell when someone is using those techniques on me in about 10 seconds. The big tipoff is when someone repeats your name and part of the last thing you said back to you a lot during normal conversation. When I detect Dale Carnegie techniques being used on me, alarm bells go off in my head warning me that I could be getting scammed.