We've been preoccupied with massive repairs of Coolopolis Towers since the lockout went ugly. Most of the primates that caused this labour problem by taking human positions are now based outside protecting the company from the workers whose jobs they grabbed, leaving a bare boned staff of 29 to create Coolopolis content.
So we won't find time to offer our submission to the 17-city estates general on immigration hosted by GAPW (Government Approved Ponderous Windbag) Charles Taylor (like his T.A. predecessor, the unforgettable Dermot Travis, Taylor likes Bill 101). Taylor's partner is the avowed separatist Gerard Bouchard who also smells like an academic.
We're all aware that Quebec needs armies of frustrated university -educated brain surgeon immigrants to pour our lattes and mop our gay saunas.
But the problem is that immigrants stink up apartment building hallways with food that smells like cabbage. And Australian immigrants bring their Air Supply records that you can hear from the windows. It's intolerable.
We've got to make them integrate into our advanced culture. We've got the highest marijuana consumption in the industrialized world, so they've got to learn how to roll doobie. They've got to get with our program of abortion, divorce, serial monogamy, workplace resentment and get right into our Canada-hating parle-en-francais culture.
But the problem is that immigrants don't want to settle here. It's too cold. Recent Statscan data note that only one immigrant in 15 settling in Vancouver cites the temperature as the big problem. One in four who moved to Toronto consider cold weather to be the biggest drawback.
One in three immigrants to Quebec considers the weather to be the biggest downer. Only one in six considers problems of integration to be the biggie. Only 10 percent say that they like the weather here.
So the city needs to be warmer. We demand the immediate installation of a BFD. A Big Fucking Dome over Montreal. Heated sidewalks and the closure of the Belle Isle Strait would also help warm this place up. What we need is not so much an Estates General on immigration, but rather a huge meeting of great minds to discuss how we can warm Montreal up.
In this effort we've been inputting massive amounts of the most cutting edge weather-control innovation data into the intelligence program of Chimples the Intelligent Chimp and we're hoping that he'll Chair a massive meeting here at the Towers. Suggestions welcome.
So we won't find time to offer our submission to the 17-city estates general on immigration hosted by GAPW (Government Approved Ponderous Windbag) Charles Taylor (like his T.A. predecessor, the unforgettable Dermot Travis, Taylor likes Bill 101). Taylor's partner is the avowed separatist Gerard Bouchard who also smells like an academic.
We're all aware that Quebec needs armies of frustrated university -educated brain surgeon immigrants to pour our lattes and mop our gay saunas.
But the problem is that immigrants stink up apartment building hallways with food that smells like cabbage. And Australian immigrants bring their Air Supply records that you can hear from the windows. It's intolerable.
We've got to make them integrate into our advanced culture. We've got the highest marijuana consumption in the industrialized world, so they've got to learn how to roll doobie. They've got to get with our program of abortion, divorce, serial monogamy, workplace resentment and get right into our Canada-hating parle-en-francais culture.
But the problem is that immigrants don't want to settle here. It's too cold. Recent Statscan data note that only one immigrant in 15 settling in Vancouver cites the temperature as the big problem. One in four who moved to Toronto consider cold weather to be the biggest drawback.One in three immigrants to Quebec considers the weather to be the biggest downer. Only one in six considers problems of integration to be the biggie. Only 10 percent say that they like the weather here.
So the city needs to be warmer. We demand the immediate installation of a BFD. A Big Fucking Dome over Montreal. Heated sidewalks and the closure of the Belle Isle Strait would also help warm this place up. What we need is not so much an Estates General on immigration, but rather a huge meeting of great minds to discuss how we can warm Montreal up.
In this effort we've been inputting massive amounts of the most cutting edge weather-control innovation data into the intelligence program of Chimples the Intelligent Chimp and we're hoping that he'll Chair a massive meeting here at the Towers. Suggestions welcome.
you guys are nuts! Keep up the good work! :-)
ReplyDeleteIf they smoke enough doobie, maybe they won't notice the horrible weather. ;)
ReplyDelete