Thursday, August 12, 2010

Coolopolis' summer 2010 - Sizzlin' and Frosty


It's time for us to give you the unadultered truth on what's cool and layyyyyyyme in Coolopolis.
FROSTY - Men dressing like bums. Short pants. Sleeveless shirts? On the beach only please. Men who don't wear ties when they should. Neck tattoos.
SIZZLIN' - Female cleavage. Uber efficient bra technology be damned, we pine for the 70s.
FROSTY- bad signal to noise ratios. People with nothing to say banging out 2,000 words, (hello internet experts, including marketing and spam experts) please stop trying to explain nonsense.
SIZZLIN' - Independent journalists. These writers are freed of editorial oppression and advertiser influence.
FROSTY - Montreal Canadiens. Unlike last year's flood of new faces, this years edition will be an aging letdown, people forget that pre-Xmas hockey is unimportant.
SIZZLIN' - St Anne de Bellevue and the main drag. After a facelift and a groovy pediestrian/bike/skateboard ramp up to the top this area is hopping in the summer. Great parking too.
FROSTY - Verdun, specifically East Verdun. poorly run, poorly planned, gas stations everywhere, indifference to democracy, desperate place full of folksy liars, hookers and crackheads.
SIZZLIN' -QQQ Industries' patent pending memory goggles allow people to record everything they witness. Only that person can watch the playback as the retinal scan is required for viewing within the lens, to avoid legal issues.
FROSTY - Pit bulls and other large dogs. Big dogs are worse than guns because with a gun someone has to pull the trigger, when a big dog attacks the owner wriggles off the hook by claiming that they don't usually do such things.
SIZZIN' - Vintage crime reporting. The Allo Police has gone, the Photo is barely alive and, the police divulge little and soccer moms get work the crime beat. Crime reporting from the past never looked so good.
FROSTY - Westmount mayor Peter Trent. Grumpily turning down the bixi and Glen access to the superhospital site isn't exactly a triumphant return to politics and puts the lie to the anti-megacity arguments.
SIZZLIN'- The Newfoundland - Labrador causeway. If this sucker ever gets built our region will enjoy milder weather.
FROSTY - Andre Dawson. Not only would this guy strike out in every clutch situation, he bit the hand that grew him as other teams had overlooked him well into the draft. Sucking up to Chicago might mean a few extra gigs but there are better ways to handle these things. He also now looks like Frankenstein.
SIZZLIN' -The CFL. Talk of expansion to Quebec, new stadium in Vancouver and one upcoming in Hamilton, it's a little exciting.
FROSTY - Mtl tennis coverage. Our local reporter's petty print vendettas against certain tennis stars might have perennially cost fans the chance to see some of the top players.
SIZZLIN'- The Turcot Interchange. Fix it and save it. She's a beaut.
FROSTY - The new Pine-Park Interchange. What a letdown. Makes downtown look like the prairies.
Yours?

13 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:25 pm

    You could have added evergreen trees to the hot list, we need more. What's wrong with the Parc interchange?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous2:34 pm

    No mention of steamies, poutine, the Jazz Fetival?

    What are the women wearing there these days?

    And more photos!

    -Andre Dawson's Biggest Fan

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4:07 pm

    The Pine-Park interchange is a letdown? Are you serious? I love that interchange. It's one of the rare, few things I fing nothing to gripe about in this city's effort to improve (or sometimes impede...) circulation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sizzlin' -The real Estate values of the properties that used to under the Pine-Parc interchange.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Frosty: Bald toothpick guido touts in front of nudie bars.

    Sizzlin: Hotties on Bixis

    ReplyDelete
  6. The pine interchange is one of the greatest accomplishment the city has made in recent years. Its beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  7. people forget that pre-Xmas hockey is unimportant.

    Everything related to November is boring.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Long live the Pine-Park interchange! For once Fotopolous got it right.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Pine-Park a letdown ??? don't you remember what was there before a mini Turcot

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5:12 pm

    Frosty: Your comments about large dogs and Pitbulls.... Ban the deed not the breed.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous12:15 pm

    When it comes to Pitbulls the monstrous beast is always the two-legged animal on the other end of the leash...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dawson's comments about the Expos were a bummer indeed.

    But he deserves the Hall.

    I know he has the rep for striking out in clutch situations but his OPS is very much in line with players in the Hall with similar stats.

    His OPS was .806. Compared to Kaline's .855, Rice's .854, Winfield's .827 and Perez's .804.

    And Andre: YOU WERE AN EXPO.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The Pine-Parc interchange IS the only thing Mtl's city hall has ever done right in my lifetime, and I'm a middle-aged man. We're gonna be riding around in flying cars before the roads ever get paved properly...

    ReplyDelete

Love to get comments! Please, please, please speak your mind !
Links welcome - please google "how to embed a link" it'll make your comment much more fun and clickable.